a summer smorgasbord

a writing tip, book recommendations, motivation to write, and our next book

But first, in case the title threw you off…

smorgasbord (noun): a buffet offering a variety of foods and dishes

…used here figuratively, of course. But it is Independence Day tomorrow, so there you go.

Now, onto a quick writing tip

Here’s a quote from The Body Keeps the Score¹, an excellent book I’m in the middle of:

Change begins when we learn to “own” our emotional brains. That means learning to observe and tolerate the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation.

How many times did you have to read the second sentence? Did you have a hard time with it?

The first sentence is clear, but the second is a quagmire that requires some navigating. I had to read it three times. Let’s look again, with some emphasis:

That means learning to observe and tolerate the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation.

You see the problem? We have three duos linked by “and,” and it’s too much. One is good, two is asking for it, but three is a mess with sirens blaring in the distance.

This is where I tell writers to pick their favorite, and clarify their priorities.

We have to look closely at the words we choose so our readers can effortlessly glide right through them. In other words: As writers, we do the work so our readers don’t have to.

So we’ll pretend we’re the writer, and look closely at these pairs:

• Observe and tolerate: These are different actions, and both are needed here. Let’s keep both for now.

• Heartbreaking and gut-wrenching: These are synonyms, therefore one of them is redundant. So this is an easy simplification; just pick your favorite. (I’ll go with “gut-wrenching” because it feels stronger and isn’t as overused as “heartbreaking.”)

• Misery and humiliation: Ahh, a little trickier. Are these synonyms? Not quite, but close. Humiliation is a form of misery, but not all misery is humiliation…just as a shirt is a form of clothing, but there are other forms of clothing besides shirts. So the writer needs to decide which is more accurate for the context of our piece — do we need a general concept like misery, or something more specific like humiliation? What if we want to emphasize the general and the specific?

Huh. All the options. Let’s just remove the redundant adjective from the second pair and see if it helps.

So we now have:

That means learning to observe and tolerate the gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation.

…and that is a much stronger, clearer sentence. All we did is remove two words.

Moral of the story: Beware of too many pairs of ands. Three in one sentence is almost always too many.

other book recommendations for July

…because yes, even though that was a sticky sentence, I do recommend The Body Keeps the Score. :) Here are some others:

Gentian Hill by Elizabeth Goudge: I just finished this one and loved, loved, loved it. If you’ve never read Goudge before, it’s a great one to start with. Her writing is cozy, vivid, beautiful, and true to human nature…almost in an “I can’t believe you actually said that” kind of way sometimes. This book is about 400 pages long and it’s about two characters who find families in different ways (and at different stages of life) during the late 1800s when England is at war with France.

I think God creates what one might call spiritual families, people who may or may not be physically related to each other, but who will travel together the whole of the way. And it's a long way.

— Elizabeth Goudge, Gentian Hill

Whose Body? by Dorothy Sayers: This is the first of the Lord Peter Wimsey series — a murder mystery involving two situations that seem like they must be related, but aren’t…or are they? Or is something else entirely going on?

For kids, Pelle’s New Suit by Elsa Beskow and Pancakes, Pancakes! by Eric Carle are fun stories that both show the process of making things — a suit from wool in the first case, and pancakes from wheat in the other. I love it when my kids understand that things they want aren’t instantaneous. :)

And one more recommendation for kids and their parents — I confess I started this one a month ago with my boys, even though it’s not scheduled until mid-July…

coming soon: Treasure Island

Arggh, ye mateys! Yes, it’s book of pirates, so there’s death and treachery in these pages, but there’s also innocence and complexity and adventure and goodness. (And yes, that was also a sentence of many “ands,” but I like it.) If you’ve heard of Captain Flint, Jim Hawkins, Ben Gunn, and a guy named Long John Silver, this is the book they come from.

As a group, we start reading it in less than two weeks and here are some places you can find it if you don’t already have a copy:

• Free online at Gutenberg

• Free audio on Librivox (the "solo" options are usually the best, and they have several)

• Used or new copies at ThriftBooks

And lastly…

Do you need motivation to write? This post might give it to you. It convicted and encouraged me:

I Didn’t Know Writing Was Spiritual Warfare Until I Saw This in Esther

And if you need help, accountability, or just another set of eyes to look over your current writing and help you decide whether To Comma or Not to Comma, I have openings for light-yoked, private monthly coaching here.

Happy reading AND writing,

Shannon

1. by Bessel Van Der Kolk; this is a great book for those who want to understand how trauma affects people — you, those you love, or those you work with. Very readable and fascinating, but has some heavy content, so don’t leave it around for kids to peruse.